How Therapy Can Help You Cope With Chronic Illness
Living with chronic illness can be exhausting in ways that aren't always visible to the people around you.
Perhaps you're tired of having to explain how you're feeling. Maybe you're frustrated that your body doesn't always cooperate with the life you want to live. You might be grieving the person you felt you were before becoming unwell, or worrying about what your future will look like.
And sometimes, you may simply be tired of being tired.
If you've been living with a chronic illness, you may have become very good at managing the practical side of things - appointments, medications, treatments, symptoms and everything else that comes with looking after your health. But what about the emotional side?
Therapy can give you a safe space to talk about the emotional impact of chronic illness, work through difficult feelings and find ways to cope with the changes you're experiencing.
It doesn't mean that your illness is "all in your head", and it doesn't replace medical treatment. Therapy can simply give you somewhere to put everything you're carrying.
What is the emotional impact of chronic illness?
Chronic illness can affect so much more than your physical health.
It can affect your relationships, your work, your independence, your social life and the plans you had for yourself.
You may find yourself wondering:
Will I always feel like this?
What happens if things get worse?
Will people understand?
Can I still have the life I wanted?
Living with that uncertainty can be incredibly difficult.
You may also experience grief for things that have changed or that you can no longer do in the same way.
Healthdirect notes that managing a chronic condition can involve significant physical, emotional and social challenges. And sometimes, the hardest part is feeling as though you are expected to simply get on with it.
You don't have to.
How can therapy help with chronic illness?
Therapy can't take your illness away. What it can do is give you a place to understand what you're going through and work out how you want to move forward.
Everyone's experience of chronic illness is different but therapy can help in a number of ways.
1. You can talk about the things you don't feel able to say elsewhere
When you're unwell, you may find yourself protecting the people around you.
You might say you're okay when you're not. You might avoid talking about how frightened, angry or exhausted you really are because you don't want to worry your family or feel like a burden.
Therapy gives you somewhere you don't have to do that.
You can be frustrated.
You can be scared.
You can be angry.
You can grieve.
You can say, "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this anymore."
You don't have to make your feelings easier for someone else to hear.
2. Therapy can help you process grief
There can be a lot of grief involved in living with chronic illness.
Maybe you can't do the things you used to do.
Maybe your career has changed.
Maybe your relationships look different.
Maybe you had plans for your future that no longer feel possible in the same way.
You might even miss who you were before you became unwell.
It can be difficult to give yourself permission to grieve these things because, technically, they're still there. But loss doesn't only mean losing a person.
Therapy can give you space to acknowledge these losses and work through what they mean for you, without rushing you towards some idea of "acceptance".
3. Therapy can help with anxiety and uncertainty
When your health is unpredictable, it can be difficult to switch off.
You may constantly be thinking about your symptoms, your next appointment, whether something you're feeling is normal, or what might happen next.
Even when things are going well, you may find yourself waiting for the next flare-up, and that kind of uncertainty can be exhausting.
Therapy can help you understand your anxious thoughts and develop ways to respond to them without allowing them to take over your life.
You may not be able to know exactly what the future holds but you can learn ways to feel more grounded while living with that uncertainty.
4. Therapy can help you cope with changes in your life
Sometimes, living with chronic illness means accepting that things need to be done differently.
You may need more rest.
You may need to ask for help.
You may have to change the way you work or socialise.
You may need to let go of expectations you once had for yourself.
That can be incredibly hard, particularly if you've always been independent or used to being the person who could handle everything.
Therapy can help you explore these changes without judging yourself for finding them difficult.
Adjustment isn't about giving up. Sometimes it's about finding a different way forward.
5. Therapy can help you with relationships and boundaries
Chronic illness can change the dynamics of your relationships.
You may feel guilty about needing help. You may feel frustrated when someone doesn't understand what you're going through.
Perhaps people assume you're fine because you "look well".
Or maybe the people closest to you have become so concerned about you that you feel like you've lost some of your independence.
These changes can create tension, resentment, guilt and confusion.
Therapy can give you space to explore what's happening in your relationships and work on communicating your needs more clearly.
It can also help you understand where you need stronger boundaries.
You are allowed to care about other people without constantly putting your own needs last.
6. Therapy can help you reconnect with who you are
When you're dealing with a chronic illness, it can sometimes feel as though your diagnosis has become your identity.
Your days may revolve around symptoms, appointments, treatment and what your body will or won't let you do.
You can start to forget that there is so much more to you.
You are still a partner.
A parent.
A friend.
A professional.
A creative person.
A funny person.
A person with hopes, interests, values and dreams.
Therapy can help you reconnect with those parts of yourself.
Your illness may be part of your story, but it doesn't have to be the whole story.
7. Therapy can help you develop kinder ways of coping
When you're struggling, you do whatever you need to get through the day.
Sometimes that means withdrawing from people. Sometimes it means pushing yourself far beyond your limits. Sometimes it means pretending everything is fine. And sometimes it means avoiding anything that feels too difficult.
These responses may have helped you cope at one point but if they're no longer helping, therapy can give you an opportunity to understand what's happening and explore different ways of coping.
Psychotherapy can help people better understand their thoughts, feelings and behaviours and develop healthier ways of responding to difficult circumstances.
When might therapy for chronic illness be helpful?
You don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed before asking for help.
You might consider therapy if you are experiencing:
Anxiety about your health or the future
Feelings of sadness, grief or anger
Frustration with your body or your limitations
Difficulty adjusting to changes in your life
Feeling isolated or misunderstood
Relationship difficulties
Guilt about needing help
Difficulty setting boundaries
Feeling as though your illness has become your identity
Trouble managing the emotional ups and downs of your condition
And you don't need to have a mental health diagnosis to see a therapist.
Sometimes you simply need somewhere safe to talk about what you're going through.
What happens in therapy for chronic illness?
There isn't a particular way you're supposed to "do" therapy.
Your experience is yours, so our work together would be guided by what you're going through and what you need.
We might talk about your relationship with your body, the changes you've experienced, anxiety about your health, relationships, boundaries, grief or the future.
Sometimes therapy is about understanding something that has been sitting beneath the surface for a long time. Sometimes it's about getting through something that feels particularly difficult right now. And sometimes, you just need someone to sit with you in the middle of it.
You don't have to have everything figured out before you come to therapy.
You don't have to do this alone
Living with chronic illness can feel incredibly lonely, particularly when the people around you can't fully see or understand what you're experiencing.
You don't have to minimise what you're going through because someone else has it worse. You don't have to be positive all the time. And you don't have to carry everything on your own.
Therapy can give you somewhere to talk, process, understand and be supported as you navigate life with chronic illness.
At Linda Lombardo Counselling, I provide a safe and compassionate space where you can explore what's happening in your life without judgement. Counselling is available in person, as well as online via Zoom or telephone.
If you're finding life with chronic illness difficult to navigate, I'd be happy to talk with you about how counselling may be able to help.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can therapy help with chronic illness?
Yes. Therapy can help you work through the emotional and psychological impact of living with chronic illness, including anxiety, grief, stress, relationship difficulties and changes to your sense of self. It can complement, but does not replace, medical treatment.
Can counselling help with chronic pain?
Counselling may help you cope with some of the emotional challenges that can accompany chronic pain, including frustration, anxiety, stress and changes to everyday life. Chronic pain should also be discussed with an appropriate medical or healthcare professional.
Do I need a mental health diagnosis to see a therapist?
No. You don't need a formal diagnosis to seek counselling. People come to therapy for many different reasons, including when they are struggling with difficult circumstances or simply want support making sense of what they're experiencing.
Can therapy replace medical treatment?
No. Therapy does not replace medical care or treatment for your condition. It can provide additional emotional and psychological support alongside your existing healthcare.
Can therapy help me cope with a chronic illness diagnosis?
Yes. Therapy can give you space to process the emotions that can come with a diagnosis, including grief, fear, anger, uncertainty and changes to your expectations for the future.
Can I have therapy online?
Yes. Online counselling can be a convenient option if travelling to a practice isn't practical or if you simply feel more comfortable speaking from your own space.
